Kindergarten Graduation
August 24, 2009 | Updates
(This post was written around the beginning of June 2009.)
Kindergarten graduation was today. I didn’t really want to go. I mean, I want to support Samuel in all he does. But at the same time, I knew it would be a huge reminder of how things aren’t normal for us. I mean, what is he graduating from? He hasn’t learned his ABC’s. He isn’t starting to read. He hasn’t learned counting and basic math skills. How can he be graduating from Kindergarten? I don’t even know WHAT he knows. And thus the reason I didn’t want to go. I guess with preschool it felt different. I mean, not all kids go to preschool. In preschool, he wasn’t falling behind. Kindergarten graduation means all the kids his age are moving up to learn the things of First Grade - while he is now behind them an entire year. I didn’t want to face that.
But I went.
And I cried all the way home from it.
All the kids were cute and sang cute little songs and said what they loved most about kindergarten.
Samuel sat next to them in his stroller. He had no parts. He didn’t participate. He was the odd ball out.
And then there was the annual movie full of cute picture of all the kids doing fun activities and interacting with each other. Samuel’s picture wasn’t in the movie. His name wasn’t in the list of student names at the end of the movie. I realize that he’s only in that class 30 mintues a day. I realize his “real” class is the Special Needs class (and I so appreciate that class, by the way). It was just a painful reminder that he doesn’t “fit” - that he isn’t normal.
Halfway through the movie, I wanted to leave. I wanted to take Samuel and go home. I wanted to go somewhere where I didn’t have to watch any more or be reminded of just how different we really are.
All the smiling parents.
All the happy kids.
All the pictures with teacher and the excitement to head to first grade.
It was all too much.
Samuel did get a little remembrance folder. I appreciate that, but haven’t looked through it. I’m afraid of what’s in it or more likely, what’s not.
Nathan grabbed a cookie when the movie was over. I basically raced for Samuel and the door. The kindergarten teacher apologized for him not being in the movie due to “legal issues”. I have absolutely no idea what she was talking about and really didn’t care. I KNOW it’s hard to include him. I guess that’s the whole issue.
I made it to the car just in time for the tears.
I don’t blame his Kindergarten teacher. She isn’t trained in Special Needs. She couldn’t have known how it would all make me feel.
And I don’t blame his Special Needs teacher. She is incredible and I love her for all she does for Samuel. I truly believe that she cares for him and she is so very good to him. She does all she can with the time and resources she is given. And she couldn’t have known or even intruded on the graduation ceremony of the other class. It wasn’t her place. And she can’t really hold graduation for her own class because she has 6 grades in that class. If anything, I think she felt the hurt a little herself because she wants Samuel to be included as well.
So, I guess the moral is this. If you’re a teacher with just one lonely Special Needs student in your class and you have a program to present, find something for that child to do - no matter how small. Let him press a button on a switch that says, “My favorite thing about Kindergarten is all my fun friends and movie days!” Or if you don’t know if it’s ok to put his picture in the class movie, call his mom and ask. Or at least put his name in the class list. It doesn’t have to be much. His mom will appreciate whatever you can do. But also realize that if you do a tiny thing to make him a part of “normal” life, you will be doing a HUGE thing for his mother’s heart and for his. I never know what Samuel is thinking, but I never take for granted that he might know everything going on around him. Chances are good that he does and that he relishes every opportunity to feel just like all the other kids.
And to all those Special Needs teachers who spend every single day working their darndest to ensure every single one of their students feels included and important and loved - you are INCREDIBLE! And we thank you!
And to all of those everyday people and children in Samuel’s life who talk to him like he’s normal, treat him like he’s normal and include him like he’s normal. Thank you. I think in his heart, he knows he’s not normal. But feeling that way for moments at a time is always the most incredible treat!
And so we’re off to First Grade and I think this year, I’ll do a little more to get to know the First Grade teacher and help her understand and find ways to help and ensure that Samuel is included in every activity he attends - even if just a little bit.
Thanks for listening. I feel better now :).
Teresa
UPDATE: It’s funny how time can make good things out of bad. It was because of this experience that I spent the summer looking for reading programs to use with Samuel this next year and setting a goal for us to teach him to read this next year. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. I just have to know that I tried. I also decided, because of this, to hold Samuel back in Kindergarten this year. I think he deserves a chance to get a little more caught up before heading forward. And I think Kindergarten is the best place for that to happen.
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
August 25th, 2009 at 2:04 pm, Darlene Says:
Hi Teresa,
Reading your post here just crushed every being of my heart. I am glad you thought things through and considered to make the choice to enroll him in a reading class and even making the consideration for him to re-take his kindergarden class. Teresa every thing you do for him does make a difference,it doesn’t matter how big or small it is because in the end,he manages to prove to us that he has made progress. After,Samuel had his accident his emotions didn’t just disappear. Samuel is a living and breathing human being,a precious loveable and sweet little boy that I am proud to say he is huge part of my life.Samuel is a little boy for me to love,praise,and cherich as if he was my own. Thank you, Teresa and Tom for sharing your son with me. God Bless~ Darlene
August 26th, 2009 at 7:03 pm, Sylvia Ripley Says:
I am a Special Education Director….and you are correct to be upset. The only time we cannot “take pictures” of special education students is IF we identify them as a Special Education student and DID NOT get prior permission from the parent. First of all, they could have taken his pic as they do any other student but unless the put the words “special education” next to him AND DID NOT get your permission from you in advance NO LAW WAS BROKEN.
I am upset!!!! I fight for inclusion everyday and this upsets me!!!!