March 9, 2012 | Updates
Let’s see, it’s been like, oh, I don’t know…FOUR MONTHS since I posted last. Sorry. And that’s all the apologizing you get :). Life is busy, what can I say.
I decided in January that my one New Year’s resolution would be to NOT post on this site weekly. I figured I needed a resolution I could keep :).
But, now it’s March and I’ve decided that I need to DO some things. You know, some of the things on my huge list of things to try with Samuel. Oh, you didn’t know I had a huge list? Well, I do. And honestly, I feel guilty about it constantly. And at the same time, I realize that I can’t spend my life trying to “fix” Samuel because, well, there’s the whole ”actually living” thing about life that seems pretty important, too. Even Samuel likes that part of life much, much better than constant therapy.
And if you want to know the real truth, everytime I think about “fixing” Samuel, it makes me cringe. Out of all of us, he’s the one who needs the least “fixing”. I mean, yes, he can’t walk or talk or crawl or eat by mouth. And, yes, all of that stuff would be AWESOME…insanely AWESOME! But I guess what I’m trying to say is that it would be icing on an already perfect cake. Because you know what? That kid has the true meaning of life down pat.
The best part of my day (and I’m not afraid to say it) is picking him up from school. I walk into that room, and he lights up like the 4th of July…every.single.time. If he doesn’t, I know he’s sick. He smiles and wiggles. He laughs as we stroll towards the doors. He’s out of his mind happy as we drive down the street. And when we get home and I turn on his TV, he’s in utter heaven. Now THAT doesn’t need fixing.
Samuel knows how to love. He knows how to laugh. He knows how to be happy in spite of his circumstances. He doesn’t complain (unless things are really bad). He doesn’t dwell on the things he doesn’t have. He enjoys what he does have. Man, we could all learn A LOT from that.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I do believe in helping Samuel to achieve all that he can. And that’s how I’ve begun to think of his life. I’m done trying to “fix” him because he’s incredible just the way he is. Instead, I’m moving on to helping him achieve the most he can in his life. And I’m not talking about achieving exactly what we all think are important achievements. I’m talking about achieving things that are important to HIM. So, that’s where I’m hoping we’re headed. But most of all, I don’t want pressure anymore to try and make Samuel like the rest of us or just like he used to be. I want Samuel to be Samuel…whatever that entails and however different he is than everyone else. Because honestly, Samuel is better than all of us just the way he is.
(LOVE, LOVE, LOVE his reaction to Nathan’s kiss!)
The plan…to try ONE thing on my list each month and see if it benefits Samuel or not. That should be do-able. And we’ll post our results here so others can see what we’re trying and see if it might be something beneficial for them.
And that’s it :). Nothing earth shattering. Nothing overwhelming (although doing 1 more thing a month with my schedule is a little unnerving, but I’ll push through). And maybe, we’ll see some achievements come along. And maybe we won’t. But at least we’ll be giving opportunities. And that’s really all that matters to me.
So…let the journey begin!