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Not just another day…

July 19, 2010 | Blogroll

I haven’t thought about the anniversary date of Samuel’s accident much this year. We’ve been getting ready and excited for his birthday for weeks, but the thought of the accident anniversary didn’t even cross my mind until a few days ago. I guess that’s a good sign :). I have a deep appreciation for the healing that time brings. Although I have always wanted to hold tight to how Samuel “used to be,” time has made that impossible. And I must say that is a blessing in disguise for as my memories of “that Samuel” fade, my mind is filled with memories of the “new Samuel” who I love just as much. And I am grateful (although resistant) for that inevitable change.

So this morning, I didn’t even realize that the date was July 19th until about noon. And then a few seconds later, I read an email from my mom that will follow at the end this post because it summarizes so well how I feel.

But first, I wanted to say that Samuel had a fun birthday and I’ll post pictures and videos of it soon. And as I tucked him into bed that night, I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much he is loved. Myself, his dad, four brothers, grandparents galore, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, acquaintances, strangers…there are so very many people who truly love this little boy of mine. And in my mind, I suddenly knew that being loved was more important than anything else in this world and that as long as Samuel is loved, he will be happy and he will be ok…despite all the limitations of his earthly body. And I felt peaceful, knowing that he is truly a happy little boy. A little boy who was so proud on his birthday that he was 7. I could see it in his eyes and read it in his smile. What a cutie!

And so I’ll leave you with my mother’s email because she hit the nail right on the head (and gave me the title for this post)…

“It’s amazing what an accident such as Samuel’s does to people. For me, after the initial shock and a few years later, I realized that it has been the most character defining event of my life. It has made me look at others with disabilities so differently. Care more about them. Actually look at them differently, with a smile, a helping hand. Not that I would have ignored or not helped before, but I want to be of help now. It’s made me realize just how precious life is. How it can be gone in a moment. And we aren’t the ones to decide if life comes or goes. And that makes me wonder why Samuel was left on earth. Was it for all of us to learn from his example. For the children at school to learn from him, to realize he is a real person who has real feelings too. For them to learn compassion and service? For all of us to learn that too? He has made me more grateful. When I don’t feel good, I think of him. When my feet hurt, I’m grateful I can walk. When I’m hungry, I eat tasty food! Of course, so many other things. He has been the most prominent person in our family prayers the past five years. He’s made us better people.

So if he’s made me a better person, that also means that he’s helped me get closer to eternal life? So in the pre-existence, he knew this was his mission in life. He would sacrifice life as we all know it, to be different, so in the end he could help me become closer to eternal life… He’s so much more than me… Yeah, I already knew he’s more than I’ll ever be. Sometimes I just need to remember. I guess today’s a good day to do that.”

Thanks, mom. I can’t read your words without tears coming to my eyes and warmth swimming through my heart because I know you are entirely and exactly correct.

So today on this anniversary date, for the first time in 5 years, I won’t mourn the things that we lost in 2005, but I will celebrate the things that we have gained since then and the little boy who gives so much to help us see the things that are truly important in this life.

Thank you, Samuel. You are truly, truly loved. And I am so grateful to know that you know that!

Enjoying my camera…

July 15, 2010 | Blogroll

I took Nathan out the other day and spent a few minutes taking pictures of him for fun. Some of them turned out pretty cute, I think. I end up photographing him and Samuel more than anyone else because they are the only ones willing to put up with me following them around and watching their every move. The other kids wonder what the heck I’m up to and either run away or pull goofy faces :)! Plus, only little kids are confident walking around talking to themselves doing absolutely nothing while I photograph them. The rest of us know that adults doing that don’t look cute, they look crazy :).

And my absolute favorite! I told him to pretend that mom forgot to pick him up from school…

My favorite thing about…

July 8, 2010 | Blogroll

There is this place that I’ve never been to and, yet, it is about to hold one of my very favorite things. 

On June 17th, Tanner did one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen him do (or maybe it’s just one of the bravest things I’ve ever LET him do). He hit submit on my computer and sent his mission papers off.

It took another 10 days after that to get all of his final interviews completed and then we were set to wait 2 1/2 weeks for his call to arrive.

We went out of town for the 4th of July. Unbeknownst to us, our Bishiop left a message for us that Friday that Tanner’s mission call had been issued and would arrive on Wednesday, the 7th. We weren’t expecting it for another week. I’m actually glad I didn’t hear that message until Monday night. The suspense from then until Wednesday was enough for me!

Wednesday morning at 8:30 am, the post office called to let us know his call had arrived. (Seriously, is that not completely awesome that they called us!)

Tanner was at work and wouldn’t be home until 4:30.  The suspense! Aaauuuurrrggghhhh :)! But I was SO GOOD! I didn’t even try to peek! Although I did carry it around with me all day so that it couldn’t be opened without me there :).

And then the big moment…

The ominous envelope…

Opening it up…oohhh, the suspense!

Reading the letter (and not OUT LOUD, might I add)!

Finally! Reading the letter out loud.

And then he got to the part where he was to read the location of his mission and what did he say? “Um, I can’t pronounce this.” Want to know what went through my mind, “What! Oh crap!” (I actually probably looked a lot like this!)

And then the revelation…Sao Paulo, East Brazil Mission (speaking Portuguese).

You want to know the funny thing? His eye doctor guessed that a few weeks ago. He said Brazil and California have the largest missions. I guess he figured his odds were good picking one of those. He was right!

Tanner is excited, I can tell.

Me…I’m his mom, which simply means I’m feeling everything at once. I’m excited, happy and scared out of my shorts!

But for today, I’m just working on a passport application.

And if you haven’t guessed by now, even though I’ve never been there, I know what my absolute favorite thing in Brazil is about to be…the future Elder Tanner Jewkes!

Congratulations Tanner!

Now I have to get to work because even though he doesn’t leave until November, I have TONS of shopping to do to get him ready. Look out wallet…here we come.

New Things with Samuel…

May 7, 2010 | Blogroll

Just a few random things I wanted to pass along about Samuel.

This past summer (yes, nearly a year ago), for 2 months, Samuel didn’t have any seizures - not one. I was thrilled thinking that they had mysteriously disappeared and hoping against hope that they would never return. But, a week before school started, the seizures came back.

I was completely boggled as to what could have caused them to return. We hadn’t changed food or meds or anything. The only thing I could figure was that he wasn’t in the sun as much as he had been the prior two months. So, I added 1500 IU’s of vitamin D3 to his daily diet and within a week, the seizures were GONE! Seriously gone.

I have since taken him off the vitamin D supplement twice for a few days each time and both times, the seizures have returned. In addition, after being on the supplement for 2 months, I had his blood drawn and his vitamin D levels checked and they were still just below the lowest acceptable range. So, for awhile, he’s getting 2500 IU’s a day until we get his levels where they should be and then we will just continue to give him a daily supplement of it because he clearly doesn’t get enough sun to get his daily dose of vitamin D. (We actually just had it checked the other day and he was on the high side of normal but only after bumping his dose up to 5000 IU’s a day for about 3 months. So, we’ve backed off a little and will keep checking periodically.)

But the seizures…we haven’t seen them since we started giving the supplement in September. Amazing that such a little thing could bring them under control. He is still on low doses of Keppra to help control them as well. But he has always been on that and we have always battled them. To say I am thrilled that they are gone is a massive understatement!

A prior post told about how Samuel has started laughing again, so I won’t touch on that much except to say that the return of his laughter came just after we began controlling his seizures with the vitamin D and just after he had a 6 month bout with “laughing seizures” or seizures that actually caused him to laugh. At the same time, he has been doing much better in school. I think the seizures were probably slowing him down a bit, but maybe also may have helped to bring his laugh back. I don’t know that we’ll ever know.

And last of all, Samuel can now recognize our house. Well, maybe he always could, but now he can laugh when he sees our house and does so every single time we pull into the driveway. Actually, he has gotten to the point that he recognizes where we are about a mile from home. So, I guess now I know that he knows where our house is. Either way, it’s a pretty cool thing to know.

That’s the short of things for now.

Love,
The Jewkes

Hey, mom…

April 12, 2010 | Blogroll

My 3-year-old called to me from the kitchen today…

Nathan: “Hey, mom?”

Me: “What?”

Nathan: “Somebody spilled. (Pause) “I mean…I spilled.”

Me: “Ok, clean it up.”

Nathan: “Hey, mom?”

Me: “What?”

Nathan: “You should come clean up that water.”

Me: Ugh…”Ok, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Nathan: “Hey, mom?”

Me: “What?”

Nathan: “I need new pants, too?”

Me: Double ugh…”Ok, I’ll be just a second.”

Nathan: “Hey, mom?”

Me: “Whaaaat?”

Nathan: “Is that a fish?”

Me: “Yes, that’s Wesley’s fish. Don’t play with it. It’s not yours.”

Nathan: “Ok.” (Pause) “Hey, mom?”

Me: “Whaaaaaaaat?”

Nathan: “Is that the fishy’s water?”

Me: OH, CRAP!

Letter to Fish

Dear Little Fish,

I’m sorry that your life wasn’t very long. I’m sure you probably knew you were in big trouble when they drafted you to be the prize at a carnival.

I’m also sorry that you had to live your last few days out in a tupperware dish and that your last few minutes were spent running away from the chubby fingers of my 3-year-old and flopping around on my cold tile floor.

If it makes you feel better, though, you’ve been the giver of a great lesson.

My son now knows that fish cannot live outside of water. And he knows a little more firmly that death - as far as this world is concerned - is final…

Since he usually talks about how Superman can save us all (or Batman or Buzz Lightyear).

I comforted him by letting him know that you are now with Jesus and most definitely much happier there.

Understandably, though, he wants you here with him.

I guess that is the sting of death, though, isn’t it?

Thanks, little fish.

Rest in peace.

P.S. Sorry the toilet bowl wasn’t cleaner when I flushed you down. I’ve been meaning to fix that.

Teresa

Nathan and Tanner on a normal day. (This was not take on Halloween. It was taken in March. Nathan has a small infatuation with super heros.)